I like to believe that there are no wrong decisions in life. Every choice you make leads you to something that was destined for you. Regret should have no place in your life.
This was before I decided to go watch Raabta….
Raabta is not a bad movie. It’s actually a movie that raises a lot of important questions. Especially the most important one: Why?
To be fair, I did go to the movie with my heart full of dread and my hair looking like Severus Snape’s worst hair day. The hair part is not relevant here but I feel like the world needed a mental picture of my gorgeousness. Plus, it also explains my bitterness at seeing Kriti Sanon’s perfect tresses even when she is running around, climbing trees in a jungle (more on that later).
In case you haven’t seen the movie, or the trailer, here’s a quick lowdown of what happens. I’ll try to keep it as spoiler free as possible. But I’m a human and humans err.
Basically, Kriti Sanon and Sushant Singh Rajput meet in Budapest and instantly fall in love. They bond over the fact that they’re awful human beings who have little regard for anyone else’s feelings but their own and an inexplicable connection that they feel for each other. Kriti lives in an apartment that is a Pinterest wet dream and makes chocolates for a living. She also gets frequent nightmares featuring someone drowning, leading her to have a strong fear of water.
Sushant is a banker and he declares that about 25 times in the movie (that is a gross exaggeration, it was actually 19). Sushant also doesn’t think Kriti’s career choice is important and he tells her so in many words. He also slut shames Kriti on more than two occasions and makes homophobic joke sat the expense of his best friend. As you can see, Sushant’s character is an absolute treat.
As horror movies have taught us over the years, pretty people can’t be trusted to make good decisions. They know they’ve got a good thing going on between the two of them but decide to test it by going out with other people. This will help them determine if the crazy connection, Raabta if you will, that they feel for each other is one off or not.
To determine this, they go to a party. Because their chances of meeting their possible soulmate is super high in a random street party. At this point my eyes were rolling so hard that I was worried my eye muscles would spasm and the kind old lady had started performing an exorcism on me.
Let me just stop here and reiterate that there’s just something about Sushant’s character in the movie that just makes you want to punch him.
At the party, Kriti meets Jim Sarbh. She starts flirting with him and then, when he starts flirting back, tells him that she’s with someone else. Eye rolling continued, so did fervent chanting from the lady on seat Q7.
Kriti fees the same connection with Jim Sarbh as well and is deeply disturbed. So when Sushant has to go to Vienna for a banker’s conference (he makes it clear that it’s a banker’s conference 35 times. Sorry, I am exaggerating again. It was 27 times), Kriti goes on a date with Jim.
Now I felt almost hopeful for the movie. I finally found something relatable in Kriti’s character (she was going with the rich guy, instead of the relatively poor one) and up till now, Jim’s character was the only character I was rooting for.
But my hopes were shattered mercilessly, much like the vial carrying holy water that the lady next to me was carrying.
Jim drugs her and kidnaps her. He takes her to this insanely beautiful castle on some island because he is obsessed with her. What worried me the most right now was that I didn’t think that I would be upset if I was in a similar situation.
But Kriti is not me and turns out she has a problem with this arrangement. She tries to run away and falls into the ocean while escaping. Being underwater triggers memories from her past life.
Oh lord, the past life.
I’m not going to go into details about what happens because, honestly, I was heavily distracted by the existential crisis that I was facing on realizing that I found insane Jim Sarbh strangely attractive. What does that say about me?
Let’s not go there.
So turns out that Kriti was a princess in some village and Jim was a warrior of some sort. they loved each other, or at least he loved her and she thought of him as a friend. What I could make of Sushant’s character was that he was a formidable warrior, with a permanent bad hair-do, and was sent to invade Kriti and Jim’s village.
A lot of useless stuff happens and Kriti and Sushant fall for each other while fighting with each other. They decide to get married but Jim is having none of it and comes to rain on their parade.
Predictably, there’s a tragic end for the star crossed lovers, and the villain himself, but they all find themselves reincarnated in 2017 so things are not that bad.
Now history is repeating itself and Kriti has a choice whether to let Sushant die like he did in the past, because of their relationship, or take a risk by choosing love and possibly repeating what happened in the past.
There’s a lot of other stuff happening as well, but if I go into that then I will start crying.
TL;DR: Kriti Sanon and Sushant Singh Rajput’s characters are jackasses and Jim Sarbh is bae.
In retrospect, watching Raabta wasn’t a complete waste of time. Here are a few life lessons I learnt from this harrowing experience:
1) You have more chances of finding eternal love if you have a quirky job and a quirkier apartment. It shows that you are independent, but not scary independent. Guys like that.
2) Drugging and kidnapping someone to show them that you love them is a seriously underrated love hack.
3) If you’re in doubt whether you should be with the love of your life or not, then it’s better to leave said love and go look for greener (richer) pastures. It’s the basis of all healthy relationships and bad romantic comedies.
4) If you’re good looking and have a decent set of abs, then you can get away with sexist, homophobic and body shaming jokes.
5) If you happen to bump into your reincarnated love in your present life, then you can use that to get out of anything. Long-term relationships, professional duties, paying taxes, etc.
6) If you invite Deepika Padukone to dance at your engagement party then she will dance to a totally party-inappropriate song and creepily touch you while gliding between the guests. Also, she will totally steal the thunder from you, so don’t do it.
7) Like your previous unexplained crushes, you might question everything when you don’t understand why you’re attracted to Jim Sarbh. Relax. God has invented therapy for a reason.
8) If you have a choice between spending Saturday in bed and going out in the rain to watch Raabta, always choose your bed. Always. Choose. Your. Bed.