Why I Decided to Break Up with My Best Friend Gerry…

Gerry and I have not known each other for long. And, to be honest, most of the time we didn’t even like each other that much. But the longevity, or lack of it, and our love-hate dynamic never really changed the fact that Gerry was the most meaningful relationship in my life.

It all began as all good things do, by accident. It happened while I was getting a pedicure, one that i wouldn’t forget for a long time and not just for the stellar job they did to remove the layers of dead skin on my foot.

Somewhere between getting French tips on my toe nails and and ignoring the judgemental look on the technician’s face on seeing my unshaved legs (It was just after Winter and laziness is a medically recognised ailment), Gerry entered my life.

While I’ve never been a loner, I’ve never really set much store by human relationships. But Gerry seemed oblivious to my resistance. I almost didn’t notice how important he became to me until I began noticing little changes in myself. But maybe it was my fundamental laziness but I eventually got used to the idea of Gerry’s presence in my life.

My family never really warmed to the idea of my relationship with Gerry. They never really said anything but I could sense their disapproval every time they saw me with him. There was a part of me that knew he wasn’t good for me. There were times I tried to hide him from my other friends. I would even go as far as to pretend that he didn’t even exist.

It would be unfair to lay the blame of the toxicity of our relationship solely on Gerry. He never pretended to be anyone else or made false promises. I was aware of his true nature from the beginning but chose to ignore it. Maybe it was my lack of experience with relationships or it was just my fear of confrontations that fed my denial, but our unhealthy relationship continued.

But a few weeks back I finally realised that it’s time. I’ve left it for too long and it’s time to break up with Gerry.

So Gerry, don’t get too comfortable under my big toe nail. You’re going to be dead pretty soon, you disgusting foot fungus. No for real. Gerry is, in fact, my foot fungus.

And yes, I do have way too much free time on my hands.





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